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I don't want wine, give me a vine instead.

And before you call me names like a dumb___* (*choice of expeletives) and so on, I'll have you know that I am aware that if you don't have a grapevine, you can't get wine.

If you think that anyone you know has a love for wine, but you don't want to give the person a bottle of sunshine love it lest you eb accused of driving him/her to alcoholism, here's a better solution.

How about giving them a vine for adoption instead?

The information on the site above lists the main features of the present as:

Presentation tin with all you need to have a vine dedicated to you or your chosen one for a whole year.
An explanation of the personalised gift.
A registration code that must be entered (either online or by post).
Directions and details about the Oxfordshire vineyard.
Unlimited visits for 12 months.
A Privilege card entitling you to wine sampling, a vineyard tour and most importantly a discount in the on-site wine shop.
Some information about wine.
A gift presentation certificate and pen.
Suitable for ages 18 years+.
Dimensions: 22.5 x 16.5 x 2.5cm.

How's that for a unique present? Only 29.95 pounds sterling and it's in stock!

Does this mean that I'll get to use the vine leaves from my adopted vine for cooking?

PPP Direct I adopted a cute lil' mouse fetus from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!