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i hate hospitals.

i hate hospitals and all its connotations (eg. death, sickness).

oh god.

a classmate of mine got hospitalized around 6 days ago. It's bad. Really bad.
21 years of age and he just suffered from a stroke. Yes, you read that right.
According to the nurse i talked to in the ICU, an aneurysm (bulging blood vessel) occured, and apparently it burst.

After what ah karen told me on Sunday night before the last paper, i really couldn't believe it. How the heck is anyone supposed to concentrate on anything after such news? Yes, we knew about it earlier, but we had NO FREAKIN' IDEA it was that bad.

seeing a person before and after in these real-life situations really brings all emotions on a rollercoaster ride ; up and down, sometimes you wonder if the rollercoaster will end at all.


after the last paper, most of our friends went to visit him. Heart-wrenching only describes a fraction of what any of us were feeling that day.
He was on the oxygen machine, but since there was no apparent progress and he caught an infection, he had to undergo a tracheatomy (any such word?) where the doctors cut a hole in his throat to enable him to breathe easier with he oxygen mask thingy covering that hole.

Going into that room and knowing he is there, but yet not himself nearly caused another flood of tears. But the one feeling which i felt in that room looking at him in his drug-induced slumber(e had just come out of the above mentioned operation) made me feel so fucking helpless. I've NEVER known such a feeling before in my life, and i wish i never have to experience it again. It was just so oppresive. So suffocating.

I wish i knew how he is today, but i think i'll just have to be selfish. If i see him again i might just start crying and i've done enough of that these past 3 days or so.


We miss you dear friend. Please wake up. You HAVE to wake up.


Please, if you can spare your time please include him in your prayers.

PPP Direct I adopted a cute lil' mouse fetus from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!